The female FBI interrogator looked the woman in the eye and said, "I'm going to give you one shot at this and if you tell me the truth this will all go away and if you don't I will prosecute you." The young woman sighed before responding, "Well to tell you the truth what really happened was," and proceeded to unfold the rest of the story. And when she was finished, the female interrogator took a deep breath, and again looking the woman straight in the eye explained that every time somebody starts their sentence with the words, 'I'll be honest with you," I know what follow will be a lie so you can expect to be arrested shortly. Most people think that lying is a knee jerk response to being put on the spot in a situation that makes one feel uncomfortable, but the roots of lying actually run much deeper than that, which I learned 2 decades ago in a course on Aberrant Human Behavior, in a mandatory Foster Parents course.
Far deeper than the 'acceptable lying' in our society like Santa Claus, You look young with purple hair, Grandma, Those pants don't make you look fat, and, God is real and the Bible is his word, researchers have generally conceded that lying starts as young as 30 months old, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/media-spotlight/201311/when-does-lying-begin but others who have conducted studies present theories that lying can actually start as early as the cradle. Yes you heard it: the cradle. I didn't believe it either and it is a lesson that has proven itself to be correct although it's, here we go again with those dirty words, Politically Incorrect to call it what it is so we call child neglect by its
name, self soothing. Self soothing is the Politically Correct term for ignoring tending to your children's basic needs and ignoring them until they shut up. Unfortunately since infants are helpless they can't relieve, or soothe if you must, themselves of their sources of distress because of their very nature of being totally helpless and thus totally depending on their parents for survival. These issues were recently raised in an intelligent thought provoking article in Raised Good - Parenting By Nature - https://raisedgood.com/self-soothing-biggest-con-new-parenthood/ website. Eventually when you incessantly ponder the theories and obsess about the subject as I did for many years in search of hole or leak in such a preposterous theory, you will draw the same conclusion. We can all agree that:
A. All infants have basic needs for survival, food, shelter, warmth, love. They don't need I-Pods, they don't need Kicks, they don't need cell phones. They just need the stuff to keep them alive. The only problem is B. All infants are helpless. That means they can't pull on their Kicks, jump in their Rides and run down to McD's for a Happy Meal. They need you to do that for them and then they really need you to change their rags because they are stinking and those rags ain't going to change themselves. So that means C. they are totally dependent on whomever brought them into this world, or a reasonable facsimile. Here's where it starts to get a bit dicey. The infants are only equipped with one method of requesting assistance and that is its cry. That cry signifies only a few things: A. I am hungry, B. I'm uncomfortable or hurt, or C. I'm lonely. Once the problem is addressed, the infant will return to sleep. Therefore when you ignore an infants cries, you are not self soothing, you are ignoring the painful pleas of your child. Now there are times and situations when this may be necessary, it is anything but a first resort especially when hunger or pain is being ignored because this folks, is where the lying comes in. What a child is actually doing when he 'cries himself to sleep' is eventually lying to himself when the food doesn't come, he has to tell his mind that he ate the food so he can go back to sleep, or his diaper is dry so he can go back to sleep. When this becomes a pattern of neglect the child teaches himself to lie to himself which might also be a basis for self esteem issues. Learned deceitfulness also manifests itself in abusive family life. "Who broke this dish? I'm going to beat your ass," the current man of the house bellows as the children cower in the corner. Well who wants to sign up for that so the kids at minimum refuse to tell the truth, and at worse make up lies to avoid harsh punishment. These patterns of deceit bleed over into all aspects of life especially for victims of physical abuse who are trained to lie about their happiness, unhappiness and even bruises. Avoidance seems the easiest route to navigate through dangerous terrain so it's no wonder that the habits seem hard to break in every day life such as work and other social interactions. Most people learn pretty fast that lying isn't going to get you very far in the sophisticated and complex world that heretofore was perhaps unavailable and adjust to the social norms. And yet sadly there are those who find comfort in lies and lying and continue to allow it to remain as part of their identity because they think the others are unaware of the inconsistencies in their conversations. What's even more interesting is that even if you manage to bring it to their attention rather than to face the fact they were caught go on to spin an even more unbelievable yarn to 'cover their tracks.' And that's when it comes to the tricky part. What are you supposed to do when you constantly catch someone in stupid senseless meaningless lies all the time? Are you supposed to ignore it? Am I the only one who wonders if after you point it out and they take the advice and feel the relief, they will thank you, or will they just tell you to get fucked and continue on their merry way? And if so, does that mean that lying is a self soothing method used by adults, much like alcohol, tobacco, food, and other drugs? #Honest #Honesty #Lie #Lies #Liars #truth
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