When our family was suddenly faced with taking in foster kids we made a spur of the moment decision without taking into account how it would affect our children. After we realized that my son was sick of sharing his room but his roommate was going to be around for the long haul, we bought a larger house so everyone could have their own rooms. That made things easier but still even though my kids loved our new family members, there was some natural resentment towards sharing their parents, etc, yet my kids were really patient and awesome with our extended family. Still we always secretly worried that we had shortchanged our children in some way. Last night I went to visit my newly married son, his bride and their hyperactive child, a 5 month old German Shorthaired Pointer in their new home. I pointed out that Lennon is what they could expect if they ever had their own child,
which they had previously stated they didn't want. However I now knew without a doubt that we had made the right decision when he informed us that while they won't be having kids of their own any fostered or adopted kids will be 6 years or older! We fostered for 9 years and it was hectic at times, most times, but there was a lot of love in our home and no matter how rough times sometimes got just with normal life in general, the most important thing we found was that all kids thrive on routine, consistency, having a feeling of inclusion and belonging and being a member of the family unit. My husband and I valued our roles as parents to these kids and treated them as our own. I bought new clothes for my kids so I bought new clothes for the foster kids. One year every kid got the same thing for Christmas--their own TV/DVD combo from me as a gift. Mr Kulp also spent the same amount on all of the kids. And I think that's the key to happiness. When you make a commitment like this, you have to go all in. Foster kids can be your wards or your family members but it will be a Win-Win if you treat them exactly as you would your own kids. It will give the kids the feeling of inclusion and not the feeling of being second rate or hired help. If you treat them in this way you will be able to cultivate trust with them and when they trust you they respect you and when they respect you and you respect them you can build a working and winning relationship with your new family members which will calm down even the antsiest kid. #foster #fosterparents #fosterkids #fosterchildren #adoption
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